


The Batfamily Game

by Shade_Kayne



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman and Robin (Comics), DCU (Comics), Nightwing (Comics), Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics), Red Robin (Comics)
Genre: Anyone mentioned is really just name dropped maybe once or twice, Arab Damian Wayne, Background Relationships, Batfamily (DCU), Batfamily (DCU) Feels, Batfamily Angst (DCU), Batfamily Dynamics (DCU), Bisexual Jason Todd, Bisexual Tim Drake, Bruce Wayne is a Good Parent, Canon-Typical Violence, Dysfunctional Family, Emotions, Family Bonding, Game Shows, Gay Damian Wayne, Gen, No proofreading we die like mne, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Character Death, Riddler kidnaps the batfam and makes them answer questions about each other, Romani Dick Grayson, The Newlywed Game, putting the fun in dysfunctional, trivia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-27
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:41:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22432810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shade_Kayne/pseuds/Shade_Kayne
Summary: “Hello Dark Knight and friends!” the Riddler’s annoyingly cheerful voice rang out. “So glad to see you all awake. Now our game can finally begin!”“What game?” Batman growled out.“Why, the Batfamily Game, of course! It’s a little trivia game I’ve concocted to test your knowledge… about each other! Think of it like the Newlywed Game. All of you will have to answer questions about each other. Every time someone gets an answer wrong, however, that person will get an electric shock. With each additional wrong answer, the shock will be more painful!”--The Riddler kidnaps the batfamily in order to make them play his version of the Newlywed Game. Each chapter will cover different questions. The more deep the questions get, the more angsty the batfam gets as they realize they don't know each other as well as they thought they did. TAKES PLACE BEFORE MOST OF REBIRTH.
Relationships: Artemis of Bana-Mighdall/Jason Todd (mentioned), Barbara Gordon/Dick Grayson (mentioned), Bruce Wayne & Damian Wayne, Bruce Wayne & His Kids, Clark Kent & Bruce Wayne (mentioned), Damian Wayne & Colin Wilkes (mentioned), Damian Wayne/Colin Wilkes (Mentioned), Dick Grayson & Bruce Wayne, Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne, Jonathan Kent & Damian Wayne (mentioned), Roy Harper & Jason Todd (mentioned), Roy Harper/Koriand'r/Jason Todd, Selina Kyle/Bruce Wayne (mentioned), Tim Drake & Bruce Wayne, Tim Drake & Dick Grayson & Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne & Damian Wayne, Tim Drake & Dick Grayson & Jason Todd & Damian Wayne, Tim Drake/Kon-El | Conner Kent
Comments: 136
Kudos: 1145





	1. Shall We Play a Game?

**Author's Note:**

> Hoooo boy. I haven't written anything on here since middle school and it probably shows. Honestly I started this because a friend sent me a tumblr post where the Justice League had to answer questions about their sidekicks and sure enough this became a thing.
> 
> Not really sure where this takes place timeline-wise. After new 52 so just at the very beginning of rebirth, I guess? I mostly cherry-pick various canons anyway. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Bruce was suddenly shocked awake by a jolt of electricity running through his body. His eyes shot open, temporarily blinded by many bright lights shining right at him. He tried to cover his eyes, but quickly learned that his wrists were both individually handcuffed to something. After a moment of adjustment, Bruce looked around. He was sitting upright at a small table that held nothing but a small whiteboard and an erasable marker. His wrists were handcuffed to the two nearer legs of the table.

Looking around the room he was in, Bruce took in his surroundings and frowned. He was not the only one tied to a table. There were four others, two to his left and two to his right, forming a semicircle with him at the center. Bruce’s eyes widened as he recognized his sons strapped to their own tables. Dick and Jason sat to his left while Tim and Damian sat to his right. They were on a kind of soundstage, with many bright lights and tv camera pointed towards him, but there was no audience. On the walls were the telltale green question marks of the Riddler.

The sight of Riddler’s signature punctuation had the events of the previous night’s patrol flooding back to Bruce’s mind. The night had seemed like a good night at first. Dick was visiting from Blüdhaven. Tim and Damian sounded like they were getting along for once. Jason even deigned Bruce with a grunt of acknowledgement when their patrols crossed paths. 

Then Dick called over the comms that he had found a map of where the Joker had scattered bombs across Gotham, all set on a very short timer. There were five bombs, each in different areas of the city. Alerting Jason to the situation, as well as Tim and Damian, the five of them had all gone to disarm one bomb. Bruce had found his without any trouble, wrapped up in a gift box and decorated with green and purple ribbon. As he opened the box to start disarming the bomb, a cloud of gas was sprayed right into Bruce’s face, making him cough and choke until he finally passed out.

Bruce racked his brain but couldn’t remember hearing anything about the Joker and Riddler teaming up. He didn’t have to wait long to find the reason why though. The tv cameras pointed at him and the others suddenly lit up, signalling that they had begun broadcasting. An announcement system in the room turned on, filling the room with a high-pitched feedback loop for a second before being replaced by the familiar voice of Edward Nygma.

“Hello Dark Knight and friends!” the Riddler’s annoyingly cheerful voice rang out. “So glad to see you all awake. Now our game can finally begin!”

“What game?” Batman growled out.

“Why, the Batfamily Game, of course! It’s a little trivia game I’ve concocted to test your knowledge… about each other! Think of it like the Newlywed Game. All of you will have to answer questions about each other. Every time someone gets an answer wrong, however, that person will get an electric shock. With each additional wrong answer, the shock will be more painful!”

“What happens if we get a question right?” Tim asked aloud. The Riddler wasn’t in the room with them, but he must have been able to hear them because he replied to Tim over the announcement system.

“You survive a bit longer, but not much longer. I will ask you all a series of questions. At the end of the game, the person with the most right answers will get to walk free. All the others will get one last shock that will end their lives.”

All throughout the Riddler’s monologue, Bruce had been fiddling with the restraints on his wrists. They weren’t just simple handcuffs, they were made of a thick metal and attached to the table by an equally thick chord, probably made of the same metal. The chords only had enough length for Bruce to move his hands about a foot across the table in each direction, just enough to reach for the whiteboard or marker, but not enough for him to reach the lockpicking kit in his belt. His calves were also duck-taped to the legs of the chair he was in, completely stopping his movement. He looked around and saw that the boys all had the same luck. They were all looking at Bruce with either concern for him or annoyance of the situation they had found themselves in.

As inconvenient as it was, Riddler’s little game show was not nearly as important as finding out what had happened with the Joker’s bombs they had been trying to stop from blowing up.

“What does this have to do with the Joker’s plan?” Bruce asked. Riddler laughed, making Bruce frown more deeply.

“Oh that? That was all me. I knew that anything the Joker might do to potentially harm Gotham would grab your attention, so I made a few replicas of Joker’s little gifts and filled them with knock-out gas so I could bring you all here! Clever, huh?”

Bruce groaned. It was almost embarrassing that he had fallen so easily for a trap that simple. Bruce looked around the room to gauge the others’ thoughts. Dick was giving him a look that said ‘If we’ve got no other major emergencies, I guess we’ve got no other choices, huh.’ Jason’s face wasn’t visible behind his helmet but Bruce could tell that his second oldest was pouting over the fact that he was there. Tim seemed indifferent to it all, and Damian wore a prideful look that he pointed at the tv cameras, as if asking Nygma ‘Is this the best you can do?’

Bruce simply sighed and settled in for what was sure to be a long night.


	2. Pick Your Favorite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The questions start off easy.

“Let’s start off easy, shall we?” said the Riddler. “What are your favorite colors?”

The question was almost too easy. Even if they hadn’t all already known each other’s favorite colors, they really just had to look at each other’s costumes (except for Jason, who actually preferred green). Bruce’s was black. Dick’s was blue. Jason and Damian both liked green. Tim liked red. Everyone got the question right.

“Well at least we can confirm that none of you are colorblind,” the Riddler noted. “But let’s move on to the next question. What are your favorite foods?”

Bruce was pretty sure he knew all the correct answers. Dick had Alfred bake Romani pastries when he was young and was still getting used to the manor, and still begged Alfred for them when he was truly distraught. Tim’s might as well be coffee since he probably drank it more than he ate food. Damian’s favorite used to be the comfort food that reminded him of his mother, Talia’s oxblood soup, but once he got Batcow and went vegetarian, it changed to falafel. Jason even designed his patrol route to hit practically every chili dog stand in the city.

However, Bruce’s turn came first. His favorite food was Alfred’s cooking, specifically his cucumber sandwiches or French onion soup. Sure enough, each of the boys’ flipped their whiteboards over to show a variation of “Agent A’s food.”

It was Dick’s turn when things started going wrong. Bruce had written Romani pastries on his board and was pleased to hear Dick say exactly what he had been expecting before Bruce flipped his whiteboard for the Riddler to see. However, he was not pleased to see Jason, Tim, and Damian all get shocked. Checking their answers, he saw that they had all written “cereal.”

“What?” Bruce asked. “Why would you all write cereal?”

“He eats it all the goddamn time!” Jason replied indignantly.

“Yeah but that’s because I suck at cooking!” Dick said. “It’s the only breakfast I can make without burning. And I love sugary foods.”

Jason’s turn didn’t go well either. Bruce and Dick both wrote chili dogs, but Tim wrote “burgers” and Damian just wrote “meat,” earning them both shocks.

“Chili dogs, Hood? They have next to no nutritional value. No wonder you weigh so much,” Damian scoffed.

“Shut up, you little shit! That’s all muscle mass and you know it!”

Tim’s turn went well. They all wrote either “coffee” or “something caffeinated.” Riddler was annoyed at first and said that coffee didn’t count as a food, but Tim responded with a monotone, “I’ll eat the coffee beans if I have to.” Bruce made a mental note to have Alfred replace Tim’s supply of coffee with decaf when they got out of this mess.

Damian’s turn also went well. Every one of them knew Damian was vegetarian, so at least none of them were completely wrong. Bruce and Dick both wrote “falafel,” while Jason wrote “something arab and vegetarian” and Tim wrote “vegetarian arabian food.” Since they were both very close, Riddler begrudgingly let them off with smaller shocks than before.

Thankfully the next question, favorite type of music, was shock-free. Bruce and Damian both chose classical, Dick chose pop (Jason specifically guessed “whatever annoying shit’s on the radio.” Riddler gave it to him, causing Dick to squawk in surprise.), and Jason and Tim had a mixture of rock and punk. The two middle children managed to surprise each other when they both said that they loved Panic! At the Disco.

Riddler’s next question was even easier: what were all of their favorite weapons to use? He seemed to be getting annoyed with the lack of punishments he could give them as the turns went on. Bruce chose batarangs; Dick chose his electrified eskrima sticks; Jason chose his guns; Tim, his bo staff; Damian, his katana. Bruce was happy to see how well he knew the boys so far, but he didn’t let it show on his face. Of course, he should’ve known the questions wouldn’t continue to be surface level superhero trivia forever.

“Alright, fine. Enough with the plebian, everyday-civilian questions! Time for the harder hitters! What was the inspiration for each of your vigilante personas?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Personal headcanon: Jason's singing voice sounds exactly like Brendan Urie's.


	3. Start At The Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Riddler tries his best to hear everyone's origin stories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really remember if Tim and Damian ever got over their first fight. Their relationship just seemed to build on their hatred of each other XD
> 
> EDIT: Thanks to Kingsdaughter613 for the comics lore!

Inspiration for their vigilante personas? He had told the boys that he chose bats as a symbol because he had been scared of bats as a boy and he intended to scare criminals, but that wasn’t entirely true. Yes he wanted to scare criminals, but the fear of bats wasn’t what inspired Batman. Bruce knew he never told the boys about the time he chose to become The Bat because he had been in a dark place. 

It was the evening he was sitting in his study, staring at a bust of his father and wondering how he should use all the training he was doing. Suddenly, a bat crashed through the window, landing at the foot of the statue. Bruce, being drunk and depressed, took it as a sign from his father. He never told his sons the story, simply because of how ridiculous they might find it.

Sure enough, Bruce’s turn was first. The boys all wrote something along the lines of “wanted to scare criminals with his childhood fear.”

Dick was next. All of Dick’s brothers knew the story of Nightwing and Flamebird, either from Dick himself or from their own Kryptonian friends.

Jason came up with the name Red Hood from the Joker’s old moniker. They all knew this from back when Jason shouted it at Bruce from the rooftops as a way to show that he wasn’t going to listen to Batman’s no-killing rule. Sure, he’s changed recently, but it didn’t change the fact that it had happened. Funnily enough, Jason described this phase of his life as “telling Batman to fuck off.”

Tim, poor Tim. He never wanted to become Red Robin. In fact, he would probably still be Robin if Damian hadn’t come along and fought him for the title. Sure enough that was exactly what he said. Tim answered the Riddler’s question with a simple, “the Demon Spawn took my old title.”

“I merely showed that I am the more worthy of being Robin. I am the true son after all,” Damian preened, causing Tim from glare at him. Bruce wasn’t there for the fight itself, but the rage he felt towards Damian when he saw how badly he had beaten Tim was explosive. Bruce was never happy that his two youngest fought so much, but it seemed to be a never-ending rivalry. He glared at Damian in hopes he would stop taking pride in his brother’s pain. Jason got a shock from his answer of “trying to copy me, like always, Replacement.”

When it came to Damian’s turn, Dick spoke up, raising his hand as far as the restraints let him in order to get Riddler’s attention.

“Wait, are you asking why Robin took the title from Red Robin, or where the name Robin originally came from?”

Riddler gave a little hum, like he was considering his answer.

“Why not both?” Nygma asked.

“Nice job, Goldie! Now we’ve got even more information we have to disclose to all of Gotham!” Jason laughed, his voice dripping with sarcasm. Dick mentally kicked himself for accidentally revealing even more than they had to start.

“You were the original Boy Blunder, Nightwing, were you not? Well then it seems you have two turns this round! Let’s see how many of your fellow heroes know the origin of Robin.”

A smile graced Dick’s face as he thought about his parents. All the whiteboards were quickly flipped to reveal “parents’ nickname for him,” which made Riddler hum again, this time with more curiosity.

“Where the hell did you get a name like Robin? It’s not like it’s short for anything. The story behind it is very interesting, eh Batman?”

Dick laughed at the implication that for one, Bruce was his father, and two, Bruce was the one who gave him name. Bruce wasn’t exactly the most original with names. He just tacked ‘bat’ onto the front of everything: Batcomputer, batarang, Batcave, etc. Dick did have to take credit for coming up with the Batmobile, though. Bruce being his father, though? He had lived with Bruce longer than he had lived with his parents in Haly’s Circus at this point. Maybe the Riddler was right in that way, but Dick didn’t think Bruce would ever show if he agreed or not.

Obviously, Bruce didn’t take the bait about Dick’s childhood. Saying anything about Dick’s circus background was a surefire way to give away the family’s identities. Instead, Bruce just grunted in agreement.

“Next question then!” Riddler said with a slight hint of bitterness. “Why did the current Robin take up the mantle?”

Bruce froze. How much about Damian’s history could any of them say? It’s not like they could just write nothing. If the Riddler accused them of not playing (or worse, of cheating), he’d probably up the voltage until they did put something down. Riddler didn’t know anything about Ra’s al Ghul or the League or how Bruce and Damian were related to them. As long as they didn’t write any specific names, Bruce supposed Riddler wouldn’t be able to learn anything of real value. Finally, Bruce wrote down “To be with his father.”

When all of them had finished writing, Damian sat straight in his chair, his arms crossed as tightly as he could cross them with his wrists still connected to the legs of the table.

“I wanted to honor my father’s legacy and claim my rightful place as heir to the Bat,” he explained. Bruce flipped over his whiteboard, to which Damian nodded. Dick and Jason had written the same. Tim, however, was staring daggers at his younger brother from above his whiteboard, which displayed in very clear letters, “To flaunt his genetics to anyone he found inferior, INCLUDING HIS FATHER.”

There was a silent beat before Tim jerked in his seat from an electric shock.

“Come on, I’m right!” Tim groaned. He then turned in his seat to face Bruce, Dick, and Jason. “You all know it too! Well, maybe not you cause you weren’t there, Hood, but you two definitely know how much of a shit he was when he first came here!”

“Came here?” Riddler asked. They could all hear him smiling over the drama he was causing. “You make it sound like he isn’t even a Gothamite! Being ‘the Great Son of Batman’ I always imagined he had been born and raised in a dark cave, deep underneath the city streets!”

“He isn’t from Gotham,” Dick cut in. “He was raised by someone else, outside of our knowledge. We only learned he existed a few years ago when he first came here, looking for Batman in order to claim his ‘birthright’ as the son of Batman.”

“Yeah, and kill anyone who stood in the way of that ‘birthright,’” Tim muttered, quiet enough that only Bruce and Damian could really hear him. It had already been a few years, but Tim never really got over how he had been outcast as Robin. Bruce knew Tim struggled with his feelings of inferiority, even before Damian was part of the picture, but Bruce just didn’t know what to say to fix them. Bruce felt that the amount of trust he put in Tim, both to have his back and to do what’s good for Gotham, already showed how much he cared. With the way Tim grit his teeth while talking about Damian, Bruce supposed he needed to take another shot at talking to Tim about his… feelings. 

All while Bruce had gotten a little lost in his own thoughts, Dick had continued the back-and-forth with the Riddler. Nygma had asked where it was Damian had come from, and Dick responded that he wouldn’t know.

“Impossible! You really think that someone of my intellect wouldn’t be able to figure out some simple geography?” Riddler boasted. Dick shook his head with a smirk.

“Almost no one knows where the place is. Don’t bother trying, you won’t find it on a map.”

“Stop lying to me, you insolent -!”

“Just give it up,” Jason drawled, his Bowery accent slipping in a bit. “He said you can’t find it. What, your hearing broken, asshole? No one can find the place except people who’ve already been there, and ain’t no way we’re bringing you.”

The Riddler grumbled something that the announcement system couldn’t pick up, then came back with his usual narcissistic tone.

“Time for the next question! I was originally going to save this one for later, but now you’ve piqued my interest and I simply must know. How did you all meet each other?”


	4. Fighting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took longer than the others did. Thanks for all the comments! You guys are really on top of your comic book lore, way more than I am.
> 
> EDIT: A bunch of people have brought up the fact that Riddler should already know who Batman and Jason Todd are because of the events in Batman Hush. I didn’t know that before I started writing this, so if not everything works perfectly with canon comics, just remember that I’m not perfect XD.

First meetings. Bruce remembered them all with perfect clarity. Dick’s despair after his parents’ murder. Jason’s shock at being caught. Tim’s fascination and awe coming face-to-face with THE Batman. Damian’s careful analysis of his father.

“This question will be specific to each pair. Only the two involved will need to answer, so both of you will write your answers and reveal them at the same time. Ready? First is Batman and Nightwing!”

Bruce got all of the questions about meeting the boys right. He didn’t think he could ever forget the first times he met his sons, just as much as he could never forget his parents’ deaths. Riddler was left completely speechless by the reveal that Jason was caught in the act of stealing the tires from the Batmobile. 

Dick and Jason both recalled that they met on a drug bust as Nightwing and Robin; Dick and Tim right before the Flying Graysons’ last show; Dick and Damian after Damian came to the manor for the first time. 

Tim stared daggers at Jason when he held up the answer to when the two middle children met. Jason had simply written “Titans’ Tower,” with no context. Tim very specifically wrote “He tried to kill me.”

“Tried?” Damian asked. “I would’ve expected more of you, Hood.”

“Ironically enough, I wasn’t actively trying to kill him. I was testing him to see if he was good enough to be Robin after what had happened to me.”

“That does not explain why you felt the need to write your name in blood on the wall, you melodramatic asshole,” Tim argued. After hearing that, the Riddler burst into laughter over the boys’ argument. Bruce felt the need to pinch the bridge of his nose, and he would if his restraints let him.

“Red Hood, why? Just … why?” he grumbled.

“Hey, I felt like I deserved a memorial too! It’s like you and Goldie and the rest of the Titans just erased my time on the team! What was I, out of sight, out of mind?”

“You’re a human disaster is what you are,” Damian chuckled.

“I think we can all admit that we’re a bit dysfunctional, Robin,” Dick said.

“Getting Robin to admit that he has flaws would be like trying to pull teeth,” Tim laughed.

“What could you possibly have done that deserved a memorial, Red Hood?” Riddler asked.

“None of your business, freak.”

Once the Riddler finally stopped laughing, they moved on to the last few answers. Jason and Damian remembered meeting each other on a mission. Tim and Damian had also fought during their first meeting, as they had already established.

“It seems that you fight with each other just as much as you fight criminals!” Nygma laughed. “But that does beg the question: Who is your favorite villain to fight?”

All of the Batfamily looked around at each other with a wide spectrum of emotions. Who was their favorite villain to fight? Bruce was simply confused. He didn’t have any one favorite villain because he didn’t like to have to fight them at all. He’d rather just get the fight over with as soon as possible. But what about the boys? Dick, Jason, and Tim all looked like they were weighing their options or that they already had someone in mind. Damian was just sitting back in his chair, looking miserable. Bruce’s turn came first, like always, and as the boys wrote their guesses, Bruce got worried. He didn’t want the boys to get shocked, but he had to say something.

“I don’t have any one favorite,” he decided. “I don’t want to prolong any fight. The point of fighting is to stop the enemy from doing whatever they’re doing as fast as possible.”

Bruce’s heart broke a little when he saw all four boys get shocked. Their whiteboards were mostly blank. Jason’s said “You don’t give enough of a shit to care.” Only Dick’s actually showed a name: “Catwoman.”

“Nightwing, Catwoman isn’t a villain,” Bruce said.

“Maybe not anymore,” Dick said. “When you guys first met, you fought all the time. I was pretty young at the time, so it took me awhile to realize why you insisted I go back home so you could take her to the police by yourself.”

“Ugh, gross!” Jason said. “I’m pretty sure I speak for all of us when I say I do not want to hear about you two having sex.”

“Agreed,” said Tim.

“At least remember to use protection with her, Father,” Damian added. “I don’t want any more siblings.”

Damian’s comment caused Bruce to pale and the Riddler to burst out laughing. 

“I never saw this power dynamic coming!” Riddler cackled. When his laughter finally died down, they moved onto Dick’s turn. Bruce wrote down ‘Harley Quinn’ and received his first electric shock of the game. Jason has also written Harley, but Tim and Damian had just left their whiteboards blank.

“What? No, Penguin,” Dick said. “Why would you write Harley?”

“Cause she also does acrobatic shit,” Jason explained. “But why choose Penguin?”

“He’s the most fun to mess with!”

Jason picked Joker on his turn, which led to a few shocks. They had all picked Black Mask, since he is the man Jason tends to mess with the most. Without even seeing Jason’s expression under the mask, Bruce could tell that he was lying through his teeth. Jason did have a tendency to beat the clown to a bloody pulp every time their paths crossed, but that didn’t change the fact that Joker still haunted his son’s nightmares. However he knew that Jason would never admit to his fears, so he just took the shock without complaint.

Tim picked Riddler, which boosted Nygma’s already inflated ego. At least, it did until Tim admitted that he chose Riddler because his firewall matrix was the easiest to hack. Damian’s answer no one saw coming.

“Why Deathstroke?” Dick asked.

“He’s the only one who presents a real challenge. Those ridiculous Arkham inmates are easy enough for me to take down blindfolded.”

“Remind me next time we run into one of them to take you up on that challenge,” Tim muttered with a smirk.

“Don’t encourage him,” Bruce commanded.

“Speaking of challenges,” Riddler butted in. “Surely there are challenges that you heroes have lost. No matter how well trained you are you must admit that there are indeed people out there who are superior to you, such as I! Which brings us to our next question: What is the worst injury you’ve gotten as vigilantes?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You would think that Jason showing up in Titans' Tower to beat up Tim, ripping his clothes off to reveal a disturbing adult version of the Robin costume underneath, and writing "Jason Todd was here" in blood on the wall is something that would only happen in some crazy comic book parody, but no, it actually happened.


	5. Old Wounds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Riddler is baffled by Jason and Damian's deaths.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shoutout to Kingsdaughter613 (again!) and Lovingshiva for comics canon, and to SelinaStark and Starrynight for info about what the spleen does XD

Bruce felt his spine tingle at the thought of being broken over Bane’s knee. That wasn’t something he wished on anyone, except maybe the very worst of the Arkham inmates. No matter how bad his spinal injury was, he knew the boys had been through worse. 

Jason and Damian have both suffered terrible deaths, not to mention the brutal beatings they took beforehand. Dick was lucky to be alive at all after the bullet he took through his skull. Bruce wasn’t there when Tim lost his spleen as Red Robin, but he made sure to vigilantly watch Tim for any signs of illness. It didn’t help that Tim already had a bad habit of not eating or sleeping enough to maintain a healthy immune system, even for a person with a spleen.

Bruce’s turn went easily. Dick and Tim had helped Bruce push through the agonizing recovery, which he was very thankful for. Jason and Damian hadn’t been there, but they learned of the incident afterwards from other sources. Even the Riddler was able to confirm Bruce’s worst injury, as Bane had a tendency to brag about his achievement to all the other Gotham villains.

The family had all panicked when KGBeast shot Dick in the head. A brain injury could be bad enough as a simple concussion, but a bullet? It was a miracle Dick hadn’t completely lost his memories and became an entirely different person. Thankfully, he didn’t, although the months of recovery after the shot had the whole family worried that when he woke up, Dick would be gone, even if his body still worked like normal.

Of course, Jason’s turn caused a problem, even though they all got the right answer. All five of them received a painful shock, Jason included.

“I thought you were all better detectives than this! If you really had to stoop so low as to lie, I would expect you’d come up with something more believable than saying that Red Hood was beaten to death!!”

“Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction, asshat,” Jason told Nygma. Bruce could practically hear Jason’s smirk under his helmet, but it was changed to a grimace when Riddler shocked him again.

“Stop lying to me! You do remember that the group with the most shocks will die at the end of this game, right?”

“I guess you’re right. Technically it was the explosion that killed me, not the crowbar.”

They were all used to Jason joking about his own death, but this was not the time or place (not like it was ever appropriate to joke about your own death). Bruce hated this question more than any of the others before it. It was a catch-22: if they lied, Riddler would punish them for lying, but if they told the truth, he wouldn’t believe them anyway. Riddler shocked Jason once more, extra hard this time. Bruce flinched as he heard the pained screams of his second oldest. Eventually Riddler gave up trying to understand how Red Hood could have died and come back to live and just moved on to Tim’s turn.

Tim’s secret splenectomy had originally been just that, a secret. Bruce only learned about it when Tim came home from a different mission running a dangerously high fever. While under Bruce and Alfred’s close watch, Tim admitted that he had been undercover longer than he thought he would be and hadn’t packed enough antibiotics and ended up catching something easily curable. Bruce was appropriately angry when he realized that Tim had gone to Leslie for the prescription instead of Bruce, not understanding why Tim would choose to confide in the family doctor before his father figure. Unfortunately, seeing Dick, Jason, and Damian get shocked made Bruce realize that Tim hadn’t told any of his brothers about his injury either.

“Red Robin, why wouldn’t you tell us about something that important?” Dick said, sounding personally offended by his beloved younger brother.

“Probably because he did not want us to know that the common cold would be enough to take him down,” Damian smirked.

“Shut up, Demon Spawn,” Tim spat. “It happened while I was dealing with something on my own, therefore I thought I could handle it by myself!” 

Damian’s death everyone knew about, but yet again Riddler didn’t believe any of them. It didn’t help that some of them had written that Damian was stabbed through the stomach by “an older clone” instead of “Heretic.”

“I can’t believe you all think I would fall for such a blatant lie, AGAIN!!” Riddler shouted over the speakers. His reaction opened up old wounds in Bruce’s heart.

“It’s not a lie. I should know, Robin died. In. My. Arms,” Bruce growled, his voice lower than even his usual Batman-gravel. 

“We all know it’s true. We all grieved,” Dick said solemnly.

“Some more selfishly than others,” Jason shot towards Bruce. Tim snorted.

“What’s that mean, Hood?” 

“I mean that he took me back to Ethiopia to ask me about my own death, in hopes that I would have some way to bring back Robin.”

“B, what the hell?” Dick swiveled around to look at Bruce, who remained silent.

“He only cared about his own pains. It didn’t matter if he brought me back to the most painful place of my life as long as he had his favorite son back!”

Jason continued to berate him for that incident, inciting Dick’s anger as well after hearing about Jason’s suffering at Bruce’s hands. Tim just buried his head in his hands, unable to believe the entire situation.

“B, you of all people should know to never purposefully bring a person back to a traumatic trigger,” Tim muttered through his gloves.

Bruce had to admit, despite his efforts to resurrect Damian, he had unintentionally hurt the others. He was amazed Jason eventually came back around and agreed to go to Apokolips with Bruce, Tim, and Barbara. What was even more amazing was Damian’s reaction to his brothers’ accusations. Damian usually jumps to defend his father, no matter how big a mistake Bruce made. However, the boy was now speechless. Bruce couldn’t tell if it was brought on by the idea of his father showing clear emotion, or the idea that Bruce was willing to hurt one of his sons to revive the other. Bruce just hoped that this revelation didn’t add to Damian’s already substantial superiority complex.

Finally Riddler got the boys to shut up so he could move on to the next question. 

“Time to get personal! Who do you consider your closest friend?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think we can all agree that "Ric" Grayson is a mistake we all want to forget.


	6. Relationships

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is where more headcanons and ships come in. You know the deal, don’t like, don’t read. Sorry if my ships don’t match yours. 
> 
> Also sorry if the tags said the wrong ships beforehand. I wasn’t sure whether to go with canon or my ships until I actually wrote this chapter, so from now on the relationship tags should be correct.
> 
> EDIT: Since I forgot to put it in the original summary, just clarifying now that this takes place before more of rebirth, but after new 52.

Bruce lifted an eyebrow. Why was Riddler returning to easier questions? Maybe he thought the family would surprise each other and feel betrayed or something? Whatever twisted reason Nygma had, Bruce decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth. All the boys correctly guessed that Superman was Bruce’s best friend. They also all got that Dick’s best friend was Wally West (although none of them wrote his true name). They were all thankful that Riddler didn’t bother with hastling them for real names, since they’d all been through that before and the Riddler knew how pointless it was. Bruce was thankful that none of them really had any civilian friends.

Once again, questions about Jason confused Tim and Damian. Bruce knew Jason’s best friend would be one of his outlaws, but he wasn’t entirely sure which one. He took an educated guess and picked Harper because of archer’s long partnership with Jason, even outside the Outlaws. Dick knew it was Roy, but that was because he also was one of Roy’s close friends.

Everyone knew Tim and Kon were practically attached at the hip. What Bruce didn’t know was why Tim developed a hint of a blush as he said Superboy’s name.

For Damian’s turn, Bruce wrote down “Superboy II,” just as the three older boys wrote. When Damian said “Titus,” Bruce had a feeling his youngest son was just trying to cause his family more pain.

“You little shit, you can’t pick the dog!” Jason yelled.

“Robin, you hang out with Superboy all the time!” Tim argued.

“He is a friend but he is not my best friend! I spend more time with Titus, and I know him better and for longer.”

“What about Abuse?” Dick asked, gentler than the middle children. Damian remained silent for a moment.

“Abuse is also close, but he is not my best friend.”

“Well I’m sure both of ‘em would love to hear how you feel about them. You do remember that all of this is being broadcasted, right?” Jason drawled.

“Even better. This way they know exactly where they stand with me.”

Hilariously enough, Riddler had no major reaction; he was just as used to Damian’s behavior as the rest of the Gotham costumed community. Sure enough he moved on to the next question with the usual fanfare.

“This particular question is one I’ve been waiting to ask for a very long time. Who, if anyone, is your significant other? Who is your greatest love? Who is the person closest to your heart?”

For the first time in his life, Bruce wished he had bothered to pay attention to all the relationship drama that permeates the Justice League and the Titans. Hell, he didn’t doubt that even the Outlaws had their fair share of it. Bruce was only really aware of Gotham-based superhero relationships, and even those were iffy. To be honest, Bruce had much more important things to focus on most of the time than knowing who’s dating who. He settled in for a round full of shocks and surprises.

Bruce and Selina had been engaged for a good while now, so all the boys easily guessed “Catwoman.” Everyone who relies on Oracle (which was all of them; god, they’d be dead without Babs) knew that she and Dick were back together again, so that round went shock-free, but now Bruce was getting into unknown territory. Who was Jason dating? Was he even dating anyone at the moment? In the end, Bruce had to sadly admit defeat and leave his whiteboard blank. Bruce made a promise to himself that when they got out of here, he was going to double his efforts to bring Jason back into the fold.

Unsurprisingly, the others also seemed to be struggling to write the name of Jason’s lover. Dick seemed to be racking his brain for possibilities, while Tim and Damian just dropped their pens and braced themselves for the inevitable shock.

“So, Red Hood, who are you dating?” Riddler asked. Jason was silent for a few seconds.

“It’s… complicated,” he said. Riddler stumbled over his next words before shouting at Jason.

“What? This isn’t Facebook, Hood! You can’t just leave it at that! Who is it complicated with? Maybe we can hear why it’s so complicated? H- ”

“It’s… more than just one person,” Jason interrupted, clearly uncomfortable. His hands were trying to fidget within his restraints, the usual tell that Jason wanted to be anywhere but here.

“It’s not that strange of an idea, Hood. Ever heard of a polyamourous relationship?” Dick said.

“That’s not the complicated part.”

“Oh?” Riddler asked, sounding more intrigued as Jason went on. “Do tell!”

“It’s me and the rest of the Outlaws,” Jason grumbled.

“Please don’t tell me you’re sleeping with Bizarro,” Tim groaned. Jason swung around in his seat to look at Tim, suddenly angrier than he was just a moment before.

“Don’t even joke about that! Biz only has the mind of a child! Look, I know you guys see me as a bad guy, but I’m not a fuckin’ monster!” Jason shouted. 

The family was silent after Jason’s outburst, waiting for him to calm down. 

“Starfire and Arsenal and I were dating back when the team was just the three of us. When Artemis joined me, I thought she was hot and I started getting feelings for her. It’s complicated because me and Star and Arsenal were thinking about asking Artie to join us.”

Jason looked straight at the many cameras broadcasting them across Gotham.

“ ... And instead of me bringing it up to her in private, she has to learn that by watching it on TV.”

There was a pregnant pause amongst the family, both out of the awkwardness and the sympathy they felt for Jason having his relationship with Artemis possibly get ruined by the Riddler. When the supervillain realized that Jason was not going to give him anything more, he moved on to Tim.

Now they didn’t call Bruce the World’s Greatest Detective for nothing. He had suspected that Tim was maybe less than straight for a while now, but had now proof. However, the blush Tim got when talking about Superboy in the previous question practically confirmed it. To be perfectly honest, he should have seen it earlier, considering how crazily obsessive Kon’s death drove Tim. He only hoped that Tim’s brothers could see the signs as well as Bruce could. Sure enough, all but Jason got the answer correct, although Bruce didn’t blame his second oldest, as he really didn't interact with Tim on peaceful ground enough to know about the little genius’ love life.

Then, it was on to Damian. Bruce’s only biological son had the same problem Bruce did before he proposed to Selina: he was too wrapped up in The Mission to let himself fall in love. As far as Bruce knew, his youngest had neither dated, nor ever really shown a romantic or sexual interest in anyone. He wasn’t even sure what gender(s) Damian was attracted to, if he even was at all. Bruce ended up simply writing “No one.” Sure enough, when Damian remained silent at first, Bruce assumed he was right. Then Dick started smiling.

“Come on, baby brother, you can’t stay quiet forever,” he needled Damian, who began to fidget before whispering something too quiet for any of them to hear.

“I’m sorry,” Riddler said, his tone of voice sounding just like Dick’s, only more sickly sweet as opposed to Dick’s genuine kindness. “What did you just say, little Robin? Please share with the rest of the class!”

“A…se,” Damian muttered.

“Louder!”

“ABUSE!”

The shock to Bruce’s body matched the one going through his mind. The little red-headed orphan with Venom in his blood? He and Damian were … dating? Riddler, however, did not recognize the code name, and instead started making jokes about Damian possibly being the youngest masochist in the world.

“So you do actually care about someone? And here I thought you were completely heartless,” Tim said, inviting Damian to bicker with him. Jason and Tim had gotten shocks as well, but not Dick. Bruce turned to his oldest while the youngest two traded insults and Nygma wasted more time talking.

“You knew?”

“Are you kidding? Who do you think chaperoned all their little dates?”

Bruce turned back to focus on Damian. He found himself smiling. He had worried that his childhood with the League would have convinced Damian never to bother with love, but he was glad to see that he was wrong. He barely ever saw little Colin Wilkes in the manor, but he knew that Damian “hung out” with him often. Bruce made a mental note to find the boy and see what he was like. He assumed that Dick would have already given Damian the sexuality talk since he was the one who knew about Damian’s little boyfriend. Normally that meant he wouldn’t need to talk to Damian about the same thing; the message had no doubt already been passed on that the family would love Damian no matter his preferences. After all, he was certainly not the only one in the family who wasn’t exactly straight. After all these revelations, it seemed Bruce was the only one who wasn’t either bi or gay. He knew Dick and Tim were bi already, but Jason and Damian’s sexualities were news to Bruce. If there was one thing Bruce had learned from this whole … adventure Riddler had put them on, it was that they all needed to communicate more, so Bruce made another mental note to talk to his youngest about Colin.

Bruce was brought back out of his thoughts by the Riddler moving on to the next question.

“Here’s one I’ve always been itching to know! What are the big, bad Bats afraid of? What do you see in Scarecrow’s Fear Toxin? What is your biggest fear?”


	7. Nothing to Fear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took way longer to write than the previous chapters.

The image of Jason’s broken body being cradled in his arms came back to the front of Bruce’s mind in full force. Damian being skewered by the Heretic and bleeding out. Tim fighting off an army of drones and nearly dying from it. Dick suddenly being cut off mid-sentence by a bullet going through his brain. Hell, even seeing Barbara paralyzed in bed, all because of her involvement in Bruce’s life and the dangers that come with it.

Never again.

And yet, every time he makes that vow to himself, something new happens. A boy bursts into his life and tells him that Batman needs a Robin. The whole family accompanies Bruce to Apokolips to resurrect Damian, now matter how many times they all could possibly die in the process. Tim turns out to be fine and heads right back out into the field. Dick recovers and returns to being Nightwing. 

Now matter how many times Bruce tries to stop them from putting themselves in danger, they always come back around to help him defend Gotham. He’s accepted that it’s impossible to stop them from doing so, but that doesn’t stop him from being terrified by the possibility that he might see them hurt, or worse, dead, again.

So that’s exactly what he says.

Sure enough, Dick is correct. He was the only one to see the aftermath of Jason’s death and how ultra-violent it made Bruce, after all. How much the loss of his second son broke his spirit in a way that he thought could never be fixed. Dick was also the one who helped Bruce grieve in a healthier way when Damian died.

Jason had specifically written down “Robin’s death.” He got a shock, then turned to face Bruce.

“What the fuck, old man? How am I wrong?” Jason asked.

“I care about all of you. If any of you were killed, I’d feel the same emptiness inside. Even for you, Red Hood.”

“Bullshit! You never cared that much for me, or you would’ve actually done something about it instead of letting that piece of shit clown live!”

“He did,” Dick said, almost too quietly to hear. Jason froze in his tirade to look at Dick.

“What?”

“Right after the Joker killed you, Batman tried to go after him and finally put an end to all of it. But Superman stopped him. Superman was so worried that Batman would become the man that he always feared becoming. He didn’t want Batman to go all the way into that dark place and permanently change who he is inside. But no matter what he did or didn’t do, that doesn’t change the fact that Batman was willing to throw away his own moral code, all because of you, Hood.”

Jason sat like a statue, barely even breathing, his helmet facing down towards his hands, which were placed flat on the desk. He seemed to be having a silent breakdown, and Bruce would’ve given anything to be able to comfort Jason in that moment.

“Wow! I never knew this side of you, Bats! I know the people of Gotham are thrilled to learn how close to the edge their hero really is! You know, I go along with the Joker’s plans to kill you sometimes, but I never suspected he could ever succeed in bringing you, the Dark Knight of all people, to give in to insanity!” Riddler gloated. 

The Batfamily ignored him in favor of trying to read Jason’s body language. With his helmet on and their comms off, it was hard to tell how Jason was reacting. Eventually the Riddler realized that Jason was in his own little world, so he shocked the boy out of his stupor. Jason suddenly seemed back to normal, but Bruce still could see his hands shaking slightly as his son tried to hide the storm going on inside. Riddler gave them no more time to reconcile though as he moved on to the next question.

“Nightwing, your turn! What are you most afraid of?”

Despite how worried he was for Jason’s current mental state, Bruce forced himself to move on, as there was nothing he could do for his second oldest at the moment. He turned his mind to Dick instead. Back when Dick was Robin and he had his first face-full of Fear Toxin, Bruce remembered Dick’s insecurities coming to light more than anything. It seemed that Dick was afraid of not being good enough to be Bruce’s partner. Bruce tried to help him face that fear by having him train harder and longer, which seemed to help in the short run, but Bruce had no idea if Dick did end up outgrowing that fear or not. He decided to choose Dick’s old insecurity as his answer, since it was the only option he could think of.

Dick seemed to be struggling to answer. His face had gotten alarmingly pale and he looked like he was about to be sick. He ran his hands through his usually luscious hair, which now was wet with sweat. Dick took a big gulp, like he was forcing back vomit, following it up with a few deep breaths before opening his mouth.

“Tarantula,” he said, his voice breaking on the second syllable.

It didn’t sink in that Bruce had gotten the wrong answer until the jolt ran up his spine. He noted in the back of his mind that all the others had gotten shocked as well, but it wasn’t the most important thought at the time. All that mattered in that moment was analyzing why Dick seemed so absolutely terrified. 

Tarantula . . . Bruce barely interacted with the woman known as Catalina Flores at all. He briefly remembered Dick and Barbara mentioning her name a long time ago, then again when Dick had her arrested for the murder of Blockbuster. The problem was, Dick was already in Bludhaven, so his oldest son felt no reason to involve Batman in what Dick believed to be a more personal issue. Bruce remembered Barbara telling him that Dick had felt guilty about the murder, even though he wasn’t involved, but after the police said that Dick wasn’t guilty, Bruce hadn’t heard any more of the story. He fought Tarantula during one of the Crises, but not for long. So what had happened between this woman and Dick that had him showing clear signs of PTSD?

Whatever had happened, it would have to wait until later. Riddler had already moved on to ask Jason the question. At least this answer would be easy. After all, Jason never stopped talking about his death, so it was pretty obvious what fear took up the most space in his mind. 

“I’m afraid of getting beaten up and killed by the Joker again,” Jason said plainly. Bruce was surprised. Not that he got the answer right, as he had seen the answer a mile away, but that Jason didn’t bother covering up his fears behind a sarcastic quip. Perhaps hearing Dick tell him about how much Bruce really cared was affecting Jason more than Bruce thought it would.

Of course, because the Riddler was an asshole, he shocked Damian simply because Damian had written “death,” but hadn’t specified that it was by the Joker.

Tim’s turn was next, and most of them got the answer correct: Tim was afraid of not being able to save someone important. Bruce, Dick, and Damian saw it in the way that Tim would drive himself insane when someone he loved was in danger, like how crazy he got when trying to bring back Superboy and Batman when they were dead/missing. Jason, not knowing Tim all that well, wrote down “not being a good enough Robin.”

Damian’s greatest fear was the hardest for Bruce to guess. The boy always put on such a proud face that it was challenging to tell if the boy ever really was scared. So many things Damian wrote off as being too easy or beneath him as the progeny of both Batman and Ra’s al Ghul. Did he have something that made him show fear? There was the possibility that something had frightened Damian enough to show his emotions, but that it had happened while Dick was Batman, so Bruce wasn’t around to see it. However, seeing how attached to people Damian became, be it to his father, mother, grandfather, or his oldest brother, Bruce felt comfortable assuming that Damian shared his greatest fear with Bruce: losing someone important.

“My greatest fear,” Damian began, “would probably be having to fight my father again.” 

Everyone received a shock. Dick had written “being rejected again.” Jason and Tim had both written “no fear,” although they had also both written some variation of “piece of shit” or “demon spawn” underneath. Bruce was really losing his patience with this game, partly because of the increasingly painful shocks, but also because he felt less and less close to the boys he considered his closest family. However, before Bruce could brood too much, Dick spoke up.

“No, that isn’t it,” he said. His hands had stopped shaking, but his voice still sounded wobbly, like he was nervous just to open his mouth.

“Excuse me, Nightwing?” Damian asked haughtily.

“I said that that’s not your greatest fear, little brother. I think you and B have a similar fear. You’re both afraid of losing a family again. B from not being able to save them, you from being rejected.”

“I notice that you said ‘again,’ Nightwing,” Nygma interrupted. While Dick was trying to be helpful in getting their family issues sorted out, Bruce was kind of annoyed that Dick didn’t just let them move on so the Riddler didn’t learn anymore than he needed for them to survive this.

“Batman lost his family at a young age. Robin’s mother rejected him when he decided to stay with us,” Dick explained.

“Yeah, kinda hard to forgive your mom when she puts out a halfa’ billion reward for someone to kill you,” Jason snickered. Hearing this, the Riddler let out a bout of high-pitched cackling.

“Why do you even know about that, Hood? You were not even working with us all that often when that happened!” Damian sneered.

“I heard about the reward. Hard not to in my line a’ work.”

“Well, little Robin?” Nygma asked after calming down. “Is that true?”

“My mother did put a bounty on my head, yes.”

“Not that! I already knew about that, I just didn’t know that bounty had been placed by your own mother. I meant, is it true what Nightwing said about your greatest fear?”

Damian pouted a bit at no one in particular. He was being a bit childish, but Bruce could see the heartbreak in his eyes at the mention of his mother. Damian had told Bruce that Talia was dead to him, but Bruce still thought that he saw a bit of grief in Damian, not dissimilar to how Bruce felt as after his parents died. 

“I suppose,” he muttered.

“Then I suppose I’ll have to correct myself!” the Riddler said, clearly grinning over the sound system before Bruce, Jason, and Tim were shocked yet again. Bruce was getting seriously concerned for the boys. Jason was getting close to twenty shocks, and Tim wasn’t too far behind. He could see them both heaving for breath and prayed that this would come to an end soon.

“Now that that’s fixed, time to move on to the next question. What really drove a wedge between you all? What made you really scream at your fellow heroes? What was the biggest fight you’ve each had with each other?”


	8. Author Note

Don't worry, I'm not abandoning this!

I write this whenever inspiration comes and goes. So I'm never really sure when I'll work on this. 

However, because of all you guys' awesome and really in-depth comments, I'm taking a break in order to read more comics! At first, I wanted to just write what I know, and brush off everything else as just being not part of my headcannon-universe. But as I got to some of these more hard-hitting, really dramatic questions, I realized that I don't really know the answers to some of them. I could very easily have missed some of their biggest inter-family fights just cause I haven't read the comics they happen in yet.

Only problem is that the Backstreet Boys Reunion Tour (shoutout to everyone who gets that reference XD) is going on so I can't really go out and browse comics. I'm thinking of ordering some - or maybe if I'm desperate I'll just read them online illegally - and I wanted to know what you guys recommend! You guys at least seem to have read WAY more than I have. I mostly watched the shows/animated movies to get into comics, then just read popular stories as I could get them. 

The questions I have lined up are the biggest fight question, and possibly what they hate most about each other. What do you guys think I should read/consider for these last few questions?

Thanks so much for the continued support and interest in this story! You guys are the best!

**Author's Note:**

> At least in my head, here are the boys' ages:
> 
> Dick - 22/23  
> Jason - 19  
> Tim - 16/17  
> Damian - 13


End file.
